WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
