Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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