the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
