ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
