I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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