So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
