Me. At least after what I've been through.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
