I'm going to jail i love you
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Randomize
