So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
