I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
