my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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