She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
