I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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