Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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