Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
