I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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