I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
