I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
