im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
