And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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