If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
