i jhust puked up my retainher.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
