I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
