i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
