Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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