My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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