i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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