I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
