Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
