i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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