Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
