I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
