onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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