Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
