he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't deserve a penis
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
