i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
