drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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