i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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