Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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