i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
