If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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