I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
