just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
we should paint friendship bongs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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