i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
