My friends, they love my intelligence
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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