it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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