That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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