im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
