guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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