I'm lost and stupid without you.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
