dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
