You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize