3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
